迷失。明白

我想我迷路了
迷失在心中的国度里
我以为你会牵住我的手
陪着我度过
但我从没想过
你的温柔与体贴
却是我迷失的原因
我从没有想过逃离
一直紧握仅有的温柔
以为这一切会有转机
却发现我没有优先权
在你心中我不是最重要的
因为我不会依赖着你
不想因依赖而成为了你的负担
不想你看到你因负担而变成沉重
如果这样会让你快乐一点
我会保持着这不平稳的天枰
因为我明白我不是你的未来
也知道我能自己走出这迷宫
现在的我看开了。。。
我只想珍惜我所拥有的一切包括你这个朋友

NOT ME

I feel that I'm like a deflated balloon now... floating around aimless.. fustrated on little things which i cant help it.. i may not have the courage to cont anymore.. despite how much i care.. as far as i know for this point of time.. i'm exhausted totally.. i'm not the ME that i'm used to be.. i hate the way i am now.. and i know that i'm losing the courage to cont wat i wan to...

My head is spinning

Feeling Gong Gong seems to be an indication of insufficient rest for me.. i thought i was fine after the trip despite the weather was a bit on the cold side... i looked back for the past few days since back home.. i realised that i nv really manage to have a good night sleep.. quality sleep was disturbed by my thoughts and worries, and also dreams.. dreaming of losing someone impt though i struggling to hold onto.. standing at the cliff crying non stop... felt a sense of heartaching when looking at someone drifting away/ apart from me... are all these omens of losing.. or juz that i need a sense of security... seems that i'm not in control of my life... maybe WC is rite in a right.. staying away instead of totally drawn towards may be a better solution to my problem now..

qutoes from 夏雪

“遇到一个爱你的人需要很多的运气，

找到一个你爱的人需要很多努力，

运气是不可求的，

而努力却是可以付出的，

找到一个你爱的人已经很不容易，

还去要求他是不是也爱你就更困难了，

如果遇不到爱你的人那就找一个你爱的人，

这样幸福就简单多了。”

1

2

“每个人心中都有一些遗憾

有时甜、 有时苦

甜的是美美的回忆

苦的却是只有回忆”

1

1

“错过的永远最美，最美的永远错过。

因为错过所以你发现她的好，

然后花了很多时间和精力去重新寻找，

想要弥补那个遗憾，

在这个过程中他在你的心中的份量会越来越重，

到最后错过的就变成最美的、最爱的

也因为这样所以最爱的永远都会错过。

而人总是在追求心中一种遗憾

却忽略自己身边所拥有的东西

如果停下来就会发现其实自己拥有的已经够多了”

Hokkaido

Greetings from Hokkaido.. finally found a free internet access in the hotel. the hotel that lodge in today is built in the middle of the forest and buildings are found among trees with indoor links...cool rite.. haha
Today is my DAY 3 in Hokkaido. so far so gd.. enjoy my life over here.. but i`m still coping with the weather which is totally unpredictable.. it was a rainy day when i first arrived and freezing cold in the evening which my jacket failed to keep me warm.. well i was glad that the weather is gd today.. sunny but yet windy as well.. gd weather for me to see the lavender [ will post up the photos when i`m back]. food was average for the buffet BUT sashimi and the desserts plus choco were gd,,,yet to try the Melon which hokkaido is famous for.. still considering to buy or not coz it`s very expensive approximately more than 1600 Yen(SG 20)...
ok i gtg le.. need to catch my beauty sleep.. hope things are fine in SG....

cHANGI AirPort

Guess where am i now? sighz.. at gate D41 awaiting to be board to JAL 710 final destination to Narita.. sometime it is quite sad to travel with my parents. had to be force to enter the age early to avoid the crowd although i have not shop sufficiently in the transit mall.. T_T but anyway i juz taken a Gelare waffle for my dinner..but it was very filling as my irritating dad ate half of it.. :S ok i shall bear with his childish act for the next 6days
6hrs of night flight now i started to worry whether i will be able to sleep on board or not.. and i still need to travel for another 1 hr to japan domestic airport to take another flight to Hokkaido.. wat a long journey. approximated arrival time to hokkaido will be ard noon..sigh 12 hrs of traveling. i hope that the service from Japan Airlines will be good as it is my 1st time taking Japan Airlines and Japanese are very particulate on their services.. crossing my fingers hard:)
Ok i gtg le... time limit is up soon.. more update if i manage to get network at the rural areas of hokkaido
Sayorana

其实还爱你

其实还爱你by 阿沁
have been seriously crazy abt this song for months le..
dunnoe why i'm so crazy abt it..

finally it's time for hokkaido

Finally I've finishing packing my bag. it took me an entire day, was super ineffective and unmotivated... i guess i was too tired after working on my project till late night on Thurs. it seems to be a busy week for me. met the Ying, aud and Liting for dinner on tues, and watched harry pottter with gretel and rae... plus busy doing my handover and program proposal. i have finished all the necessary for my work but i still felt a bit unsettled.. Going to Hokkaido is a trip that i was looking forward and i thought i will be excited abt it as well.. A trip that i will unwind myself and learn to let go alot of things.. but i noe i will be missing someone. Sighz.. i noe all these shld be erased off in order for me to enjoy my trip.. but 我无法放他一个人。 i know things are hard for him lately, and i have tried my best to help within my limits.. i dunnoe how is he going to settle all things by himself, and i will not be there to provide a listening ear. Am i juz worried or feeling guilty for not able to help.. maybe i shld have burden msyelf with all these..我是人不是神。。。

4 more hours before i board the plane.. i need to get excited.!!!!

真正可怜的人
就是以为失去一样东西
就到了世界末日
如果你愿意去看的话
你知不知道你拥有的还有很多
只是你不愿意去看而已。。。。

“朵馨”

[石头剪刀布]

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

放逐。自由

突然有想去流浪的冲动
想放逐自己到处流浪
或许流浪能感受自由
被封锁的心也能从而得到解脱

Calla Lily

I used to like white flowers without any particular reason. White Lily seems to be my fav since secondary days coz they appeared to be quite elegant. However Calla Lily has secured a major position in my heart recently partly because they look gentle and delicate in appearance...

佛焰苞花意

或初露，或微放，或盛開，海芋有『佛焰苞花』獨樹一格多變的花形，一朵朵亭亭的立於晴空之下，清麗的姿態，隨著螺旋狀的花瓣捲入花心，說著一種海芋獨有的典雅氣質。

海芋物語
海芋別稱水芋、蕃海芋、野芋、馬蹄蓮。外型簡單而清純，尤其是純白色的海芋就和百合一樣給人有一種清麗脫俗的感覺，所以在英文裡，是以尼羅河百合來稱呼她，在日本則稱她為荷蘭海芋。

海芋象徵著誠實，與良好的同伴關係，很適合用在朋友之間，與幸福婚禮的場合。

問花花不語

花語的頻率與正常的心跳相同。可以數，可以聽，不要問，為什麼。

花語：雄壯之美、潔淨

花形簡單大方的海芋，擁有時髦的魅力，無論和哪一種花搭配，都蓋不住它那獨特且清雅的氣質，也因此而擁有「雄壯之美」和「清秀挺拔」等花語。
清新脫俗、純白可人的海芋，總是靜悄悄地給人們帶來一陣清涼，尤其是在暑氣漸漸逼人的初夏裡，欣賞一下它的清姿，即使再浮燥的心情也會平靜許多。
不同的顏色有不同的意義,分別是: 種類. 花語含意. 白色. 象徵青春活力、氣質高雅. 黃色. 象徵純潔、志同道合. 紅色. 象徵對對方有好感

Happy 23rd Birthday!!!

Today I've eaten my 4th Birthday cake and now I'm older 1yr and 1 day.. Out of the sudden I felt that I am so fortunate as I am being loved by so many ppl... in fact i guess i've been "celebrating" my birthday for the entire Jun ad i guess it will continue to drag till July. Gotten my 1st brithday prezzie from Jessy n co ealier this mth, next a surprise from my lovely Physio-mates during our lunch date, followed by a surprise "party" by my sis n bro-in-law

well sometimes i really 身在福中不知福， frankly speaking i was feeling autistic the night before my birthday. wanted to hibernate so i chose to cancel my dinner date with my sisters gang in JC.. hoping to spend the night alone by myself.. but in the end i regretted for doing so.. lame rite.. :(. the night was actually spent with Tiong n Wencong who were being kind enough to meet me despite being super broke. Nothing special had happened on this day but juz that 有一点遗憾didnt manage to fulfil my 22nd birthday wish. T_T

Anyway, i wan to thank all of the friends and my family for all those surprises and well wishes... i noe i'm being blessed..unless i'm happy and contented...i'm glad to be remembered during my birthday.. And, also special thanks to the Physio ortho n part of CP team who gave me a LOUD birthday song early in the morning in the office.. hey guys u really made my day man!!!Q

good bye 22, happy 23 is here..:)



Wow its a MANGo cake...


making a wish seriously.. wat's up in my mind?


hmm.. yummy cake here i come..





acting cute in front of the durian cake which my sis hates most.. haha

谢谢你让我爱过你

感觉天气冷了
就加件毛衣
而不是急着躲进
某个人的怀里
这么简单的常识
我竟然忘记
直到你离去
才恢复记忆
还可以呼吸
心跳也还规律
只除了寂寞
它还不肯马上就平息
相恋和失恋
如果说都需要练习
一次学会两种也算好事情
谢谢你教会我爱需要两颗心
谢谢你示范了什么人该放弃
谢谢你提醒我痛会唤醒勇气
谢谢你曾让我这样的
爱过你
只要睁开眼睛
就有好风景
再不用苦苦等你
偶尔的好心情
这种简单的快乐
比玫瑰美丽
我相信伤心
会慢慢痊愈

自从认识你，我的喜怒哀乐都跟你沾上边
因为喜欢你，我学会了勇敢地面对好朋友的身份
谢谢你放开我的手， 你的坦白让我勇敢也让我学习放手
此时此刻的我不再会为了你而情绪化
因为我已正视我们的朋友关系
22岁的我曾经是如此向往爱情
但现在的我不再了
你的出现让我从新的认清自己
找到了曾经那么有规划， 那么了解自己所要的我
谢谢你让我爱过你
谢谢你没有把我给推开
谢谢你让我看见了自己
我想我已痊愈了

Quak quak quak..

Today I've have received my 6th MC for the year plus lost my voice for the 2nd time since 2003. Well i din mean having a husky voice but basically it is hard for me to produce a note that can be heard.. was msging Rose this afternoon that the anti-cough herbal tea didn't do its miracle on me.. sobz. however having a second thought, i think i did cause it to happen.. in another word serve me right..
Retrospective data as followed:

I woke up on a Friday morning with a terrible sore throat, instead of seeing a dr, i taken the Ah-Ma traditional method: gurgling of salt water. Had minimal fluid intake during working hrs and straining my vocal cord when talking to the patients with hearing impairment. Attended a gathering after work, and agreed to go to KTV after dinner. Sang a few F.I.R and Jolin songs. Did attempt to strict my self from singing too much and left an hr early before the session.
Went to work on the very next day complaining of insufficient sleep and minimal fluid intake as well... attempted to have a nap over my sis's place while waiting for her hse-warming to start but failed...was screaming at my cousins who kept disturbing and pulling my leg. And also, talking loudly "arguing" to my uncle regarding issues I totally disagreed with. next I had some satays, chicken wings and nuggets to fil up my empty stomach, and had my fav Hoegarden. Last but not least taken a slice of durain cake as a finale...
Woke up this morning wanted to plan my Sunday outing with my mum... And I realised that oh well...i cant produce a beautiful note which i used to.. it's hard for me to make a conversation as well..since 11am I've tried not to pick up any calls coz i'm temporarily mute... 6that's so freaking irritating@@#%$^$
I've taken a MC for tmr but i'm still crossing my fingers hard... hoping my vocal cord will recover for my work.. if not it will be the 6th MC used...it will not be nice to be absent so frequently...

i'm tired

it seems that there are a lot of things in my mind which have been blocking my mental processing... i'm starting to think slower and respond super+++ slow.. am i deteriorating? sometime i wish that i have selective memory loss.. maybe i can be happier when i forget certain things.. at least being sadness that moment and happier for a longer period of time (seems quite a gd idea)i wish i could be happier..but i seems unable to let go things...

new look...

Finally i've settled all the things i need to..
I know it has been almost a yr since i blogged..
Was a bit lazy and tied up by my work.. (i know it's an excuse)
frankly speaking i do have a hard time recalling my username and password
was quite shocked to see that blogspot become so chin-na
anyway getting afresh.. a new look to my blog again..
i hope this time my blogging habit will get better...(crossing my fingers hard)
Some updates for those whom i haven seen for ages
sorry to disappoint those who think that i managed to "fish" a doctor as my bf
well, i'm still single and available.. (will con't to try harder.. hahha)
something new is that i have enrolled to La Trobe offshore deg conversion course.. a/w for my offer letter...
n i shall play hard before Sept comes...

more updates on me soon..oyah plus my tagboard too.
need to turn off the lights soon..
Winnie the Pooh here i come, zzzzzzzz

Departing

well i think it is sad to noe that those you are familiar working with going off soon.. just had a lunch date with the HO whom i meet on work. a bunch of funny Dr who love to crack stupid and funny jokes and c/o when they are on call or post call. well this lunch makes me realised a thing which i think it is pretty important.. it is time for me to improve on all the medical terminology in order to communicate well with them (ha ha). besides that, need to prepare for their departures soon as they are on a rotation based to other departments or Hospital every 4mths.. sad to know that coz i'm so used to them around me at work.. crapping with me and making fun of my name.. who will have the gut to call me Xu Huixin after they left.
Still remember how Laura and me become friends... well she was the first HO to approach me for my name...how i always make fun of Dr Koh HL with his childish behaviour... plus Dr Wong ST's ID pass..
well 6 more weeks to go.. cherish it..

First time

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your

muscles tighten. You put him

off for a while searching for an excuse, but he

;refuses to be swayed as he

approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you

shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first

time his finger has found

the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;

your body tenses; but

he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks

deeply within your eyes

and tells you to trust him - he's done this many

times before. His cool

smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him

;more room for an easy

entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,

but he slowly takes his

time, wanting to cause you as little pain as

possible. As he presses

;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give

way; pain surges throughout

your body and you feel the slight trickle of

blood as he continues. He

looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too

painful.Your eyes are

filled with tears but you shake your head and nod

for him to go on. He

begins going in and out with skill but you are

now too numb to feel him

within you. After a few moments, you feel

something bursting within you and

he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to

have it over. He looks

at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a

chuckle; that you have been

his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your

dentist. After all,it was your first time to have

a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

What were you thinkin' ?

PERVERT

I know what you were thinking!

precious moments

i think i have missed the most precious moments in my life.. friendships...
lost quite a bit.. juz a lonely soul currently.. guess it is due to my up down mood that i dunnoe how to get along well with ppl??? dunnoe.. well i guess i can meet those hi bye firends only.. ha ha.. ironic rite.. so well well well.. juz enjoying being alone.. all alone and one alone..