forget...

I thought everything will be over... it should be over...
but i still feel it... sense of jealousy... sense of unhappiness...
gotten a bit tipsy but i still feel it...
i thought i'm strong but i'm afraid i'm not...
the aching feeling remains... it seems that it does not wear off...
every breathe that i take.... the pain remains...
i still enjoy the moments that i spend with you...
there is nothing for me to fear on...
coz i know that when you are around... i'm well-protected though your love for me is not what i'm hoping for...

sometimes, i'm just wondering whether i have a choice in my life...
What will i do if i'm not an occupational therapist?
Will i be happier and less stressful in my career?
a lot of thoughts is running around...
shit..
I know one day I will be forced to leave under some circumstances...
will my life be that satisfying as ever?
will i really get to do things that i like?
I know it is nice to dress nicely doing a office work...
all days staying in the office enjoying the air con...
is this wat i want wat i like?

Overview of 2007

2007, a year of unexpected, and emotional struggle
A lot of things have happened, and most caught me off guard..
2007 is a year which I felt lost and hoping to holding onto anything that come
A year which I realised that hard work and effort do not lead to recognition
A year which I felt the ideal is only a delusion
A year which I experienced a lot of emotional struggle and lost of directions...
A year which I do not what I really want in fact
All the things that happened had made me grow in a way...
Yes.. I can say that I'm braver and mature than previous...
but trying to perserve the child-like nature...
I know what I want now in terms of relationship...
I'm still looking forward to it... but just let the nature take its course...
What will come will definitely come
I have a clearer idea of what I hope to achieve in my work and study
and I believe that I will strive towards it...
I know it's hard to do well in both when I only have time for only 1...
But things will work out by its own..,
and I know that I will have utmost support from my friends...

2008 will be a better year for me...
Though I have nothing much to achieve
but definitely a better sense of direction to follow...

People I'm glad to have you around during my low times...
but I hope that you will be around during my high times...

周杰伦 - 彩虹

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白
看不见你的笑
要我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉
是我说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

I'm glad to make such a decision today...
Yes I'm sadz in a way bcoz.. I'm sort of rejected...
well it's a one-sided affair... This ending is sort of expected...
But I think i shld give myself a gd pat on my shoulder coz I'm brave enough to face all things...
At least I feel relieved...
At least I dun feel headless anymore...
At least I've tried and I know I will not regret...
At least I know I can let go..
Sadness is just a part and parcel of the grieving process..
I think i will come out of it...
It's a learning process...
Learning how to pick self up when we fall..
A process to know that this friendship is being treasured by both parties
A process to know that how strong we can be...


There are 4 persons we need to find in our life...
The first one is self..
The second one is a person we love most
The third one is a person who love us most
and lastly one who can spend the rest of our life with...

I'm still looking for 2nd, 3rd and 4th.. hopefully they are the same person..
And i hope you guys will be able to find yours too...
I know it's difficult but please be patience..
The best yet to come...


Someone told me abt this theory today...
The Mr right should consists of the following:
- able to make you laugh when you are sadz
- you feel happy when he is happy
- you feel sad when he is sadz...

I hope you will be able to feel for the theory too..

The sky will be clearer than tmr.. :)

林宥嘉

那首歌


我爱的人


你把我灌醉


背影


三公分阳光三公分空气
堵在眼前像一面玻璃
挡住了你表情剩下只有脚印
He......
一直向前走走不完距离
一直向后退不出回忆
很高兴有心事帮我困住自己

你头发上淡淡青草香气
变成了风才能和我相遇
你的目光蒸发成云
再下成雨我才能够靠近
感谢我不可以住进你的眼睛
所以才能拥抱你的背影
有再多的遗憾用来牢牢记住
不完美的所有美丽
感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜
我怀里所有温暖的空气
变成风也不敢和你相遇
我的心事蒸发成云
再下成雨却舍不得淋湿你
躲在安静角落如果你回头看
不用在意

escapist?

I get fatigue easily recently...
seems that I dont have some energy left for other things...
I'm tired of pulling the corners of my lips up when I feel like crying...
hidding at one corner and juz to let out my feelings
but i cant... I really cant to so...
Disappointment has occupied my entire emotion and well being...
Shld have believed that it's an avoidance an escapism...
Shldnt have believed that the mist will be clear.. things will be fine.. and I will face it with my brave side...
I feel like sleeping away all my unhappiness and worries...
but it does not work... every morning i wake up such feelings still exist...
It's growing... it's magnifying... It feels more than what I've experienced last May...
Maybe I shld continue to cuddle myself in bed to avoid such feelings...

我怀念当初在海边画画的日子
人好像 无时无刻
一辈子都在后悔
一辈子都在。。。
后知后觉以后领悟
我曾错过。。。
曾经遗憾一些事情
再来 用这遗憾
来完成自己的画
希望每一个人
都可以珍惜自己身边的人
就像蓝天永远包容着白云
就算晴时多云偶阵雨
天晴之后 这是会有着彩虹

雨过天晴的晚上
我看到满天繁星
微风吹过 呼唤着珍惜
我不想再退缩
不想再躲在墙角
我想好好地为自己努力
想好好面对的自己

...

feeling a bit tired regarding wat's going on in the surroundings...
i'm tired of all the guessing games..
tired of taking on a angelic role.. how i wish i'm a devil in nature..
i'm tired of waiting..
tired of putting up a false front..
someone told me to grit my teeth and soldier on..
do i still have the energy and courage...
i know i'm hiding...
trying to keep a distance but yet looking forward to all the meetings...
sigh.. wat a conflicting me..

A letter to U

My dear friend,

I'm just a line away, please share your burden with me when you need a listening ear
The load is not the heavy that all because i'm here to share with you
I'm always here to hold you tight, please dont let go yourself?
It's sad to know that you are not happy, it hurt me to see you suffering
If there is anything that i can do to make you happy, please let me know..
You hold an important place in my heart, and i will never forgo our friendship
Remember I'm always at your side giving all the support you need,
Please dont give up, my dear friend
I'm always here for you...

x|n

??

Got a bit teary recently..
often i will 含着泪睡着
i dun really know what actually bother me exactly...
but i do know that i'm affected by some small little changes observe on the facebook..
i start to wonder why
or shld i say that i need to learn to really acknowledge..
i'm stuck in a way
may be have sank in other way..


找不到方向望彩虹天堂

呼吸的痛

想念是会呼吸的痛
因为我不能继续呆在你身边
不能陪你嬉闹
因为离开是为了让我成长
是为了让你解脱

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
因为我输给了你和她过去
输给了起跑点
因为我不能给你她所能给的快乐
不能想被这过去捆住


我们好像只能背对背而已

潘裕文 潘王子 Peter Pan

Recently I am addicted to taiwanese variety show:超级星光大道
and, also i am addicted to one of the contestants--- 潘裕文！！！
soothing voice he has, 温暖， 能安抚人的歌声！！
潘王子！！！

潘裕文 林志炫--離人


潘裕文-旋木


潘裕文--走了嗎

珍惜

你的抽屉里面
一定藏了很多你珍惜的东西
只是已经放得太久
久的连你自己都忘记了
巧克力如果不吃
会被蚂蚁吃掉
身边的人如果不珍惜的话
也是会消失的


from Angel Lover

change of perception...

In order to continue to adapt
one needs to learn to change his/ her beliefs and values systems
i'm learning to do so..
trying hard to move out..

有人讓我明白在乎一個人的感受，讓我明白為在乎的人努力，是不求回報也會快樂的，
我想為我在乎的人繼續努力。

爱情转移

I was struck by a sentence in the lyrics of 爱情转移

“感情需要人接班 接近换来期望 期望带来失望的恶性循环”

Is this really a vicious cycle? I'm trying to understand.. shld i say i dont understand.. It is true that high hope may result in disappointment however hope give us a direction to move on...

If i need to respond to this line，i will say:

“我愿意为你的爱情接班， 但你愿意吗？
不要再期望什么
而是努力经营原有的一切
你的失望不再是一个人的负担
因为我愿意和你分担”

依赖

我想依赖你，可以吗？
我想和你分享我的喜怒哀乐，你愿意吗？
如果依赖成了习惯， 我希望你不要放开你的手
请让我继续地依赖你
我想一直躲在你的怀里，
依偎着你
一直感受到你的呵护
你是否愿意？

Abandonment

"abandon yourself to this new day
abandon yourself to what might be new for you today
abandon yourself to what may come, and let go of what you wish were true.
Keeping your hand clenched on the past doesn't let you accept anything new
abandon yourself and open your hand to see what new might come"

This is a quote from a journal article which i recently read for the schoolwork which i find it meaningful.
We need learn to let go the past and let things slowly heal by themselves. It is good for us to reminisce the past, but there is a limit. Holding onto the past doesnt allow you to change anything from the past. The past will continue to haunt you if you dont let go. It will continue to tear the scar apart and cause more pain in you. I've learnt to let go, have you?

dreaming of you

I've dreamt of you last night
A sweet and bitter dream to me
I wonder you have tasted it
Wonder you have the same dream as mine
but I'm certain that your dream doesnt cast me as the main role
maybe a supporting role which I may not appreciate
I'm certain that my dream will not turn to reality
And, I'm certain that it's just a dream
A dream that reminded me to surrender to the reality
A dream that made me tear when I woke up
I will support your decision
I hope that it's a right one
I hope the best for you
but I still hope to keep you in my dream