Summer Snow..

It's Summer Snow in the deep blue sea
I try to touch, but it fades away
It must be a dream I will never get
Just like my love that's crying for you

If there were something not to change forever
We could feel it deep in our heart
Today is over with a million tears
Still everyone has a wish to live

Oh, I do belive everlasting love
And destiny to meet you again
I feel a pain I can hardly stand
All I can do is loving you

It's Summer Snow in the deep blue sea
I try to touch, but it fades away
It must be a dream I will never get
Just like my love that's crying for you

拥抱

每个人在这世界上都是孤独个体
我们矛盾总是在计算对方
却又渴望互相取暖
我们不停的说话
以为是在沟通
其实
千言万语比不上一个拥抱

arghz II

well as you guys can see i'm not a frequent blogger... 36 posts in total since i started 18 mths ago.. that's too little rite.. something i do have a lot of things to write but juz that i dunnoe how to pen down. but i do enjoy posting a lot of Chi-na thingy( either i wrote or i read frm somewhere). if you are able to understand them u might be able to noe wat i'm thinking and experiencing.

recently there are a lot of personal and family matters happening around me... as much i wish to pen down.. there are risks in it.. significant others might read it.. arghs.. out of the sudden i realised that i'm a loner in fact. alot of emotional and psychosocial aspects are "running" in me and i do want to "vomit" them out but there isn't an avenue. yes i may seem to have a lot of friends.. but in times of trouble there isnt anyone that i can find and talk with... everyone seems to be so preoccupied with their work and relationships.. i may appear to be a weirdo in crowd.. the siao one who only can be a comedian... the unreasonable one who is extremely picky and fussy in her fyp... but it doesnt mean i'm ok

pls dun rely on me too much.. i'm not a superwoman. pls dun look for me only when u are in need... relationships are not an one-way thingy.. it shld be mutual my dear..

a listening ear and emotional support are all i need now..

Mi gong

50 first dates

here's is something i wrote after watching 50 first dates

不知何时我成为了他的啦啦队
站在他身旁努力的为他加油打气
在他的世界里我已是他的避风港
努力的聆听他的痛他的失落
他的悲伤我能了解但我的辛酸与心碎他会知道吗？
因为她以取代了我在他心中的位置了
或许啦啦队我唯一能做的事了

Xmas present..

Merry Xmas... Perfect weather for Xmas i think.. simply love it.. misty and cool.. how i wish i can spend a white Xmas overseas.. have anyone went to see the lightings? well i haven and i dun intend too.. juz wanna get away from the crowd.. trying to spend a quiet Xmas alone at home with my vcds and variety shows... hopefully i can finish the vcds which i yet to start watching by monday night.. (crossing my fingers hard)

today i went to do a bit of shopping with my parents over at Compass point.. and i bought myself a Xmas present to pamper myself for the hard work for the year.. guess wat i bought? a pair of diamond earrings to match my necklance that my mum given mi for 21st birthday... and this is my 24th pair of earrings le. well this pair of earrings has no design at all.. coz it's yi ke type and easily noticeable.. so it costs me a lot but of its grade: VVS1 and color G---- it's more than half of my monthly allowance.. gooshh... really noe how to spend my $$.. i guess for the next 1/2 yr i mus rebudget again le.. but conclusion is i'm still veri happy with my new pair of earrings -- that's retail therapy. ha ha

sometimes.. it's fated..

I always remember what my sec school principal said:

" always aim high. bcoz if u aim for the sky, if u fall unless u will fall on the tree top. if u aim for the tree top if you fall u will find urself landed on the ground."

Wat she said really influenced me a lot... tat's y i seems to have a high expectation for myself.. however i realised that i nv get the things i want..in all aspects of my life.. seems to be a failure..

things always appeared in a way that i dun expect and also seem so near but yet so far..

Sianz

blogger xin caught lazy bug again... how i wish i can continue to nuan at home.. yes juz continue to rot and nuan at home... dun laugh that's my fav past time for holidays.. my longest record for staying at home was for one whole entire.. yes u din read wrong.. i am not that sociable as u think.. too lazy to find fren to go out.. lazy mi indeed. i can be fun also but only in the crowd coz i cant stand quietness in crowd... MUST BE FUN and noisy!!

actually i am still mentally and physically quite tired after the bangkok trip. it was fun despite the gang was too tired to continue our usual routine-- bridging. ha ha.. everyone was tired each day after all the walking.. we as the cheapo ppl we walked and walked everyday. from our hotel we walked to the nearby wholesale market and then again walked to the fashion mall then to the central world.. my 2 other gal fren they really noe how to shop. bcoz of them we nv miss any spots of the places for cheap goods.. and we walked and scan really fast.. well they did benefit from these coz there are a lot of cheap and nice t shirts in Bangkok. too bad i din get any of them coz there is only single size.. their free size is bloody small lor... i need a LL for small cutting.. arghz.. agony to see things i really like but i cant buy!!! arghz.. but did manage to buy something.. well simple mi does not go for chong stuffs so 2 pairs of 299 bahts jeans with nice designs and cutting juz satisfied mi.. i did buy some tops but considered quite expensive as compared to the stuffs that my 2 other gals fren buy.

one thing i wanna mention is there are a lot of accessories over there.. so many that i saw till i blur. those accessories are very trendy and fashionable lol.. those we can find at far east, heeren and bugis village can buy over there at cheap cheap prices.. wanted to buy some back as gifts.. but mi too depressed le so din focus much on them oops.. sorry pals (i got buy some lahz but not enough for all so will keep for myself).

where are the guys that went with us? ha ha i think they were very funny. they spent 2 days at Chatuchak. well they had nothing to do during our third day coz there wasnt much place for them to shop at the fashion mall so out of the sudden they decided to dash to Chatuchak again to continue their quest in finding their ninja shoes which they wanted to buy but could not find the day before. well i was quite amazed by my frenz. they really can buy alot lehz.. in terms of bags of goody lol. yes bags.. (dun rub ur eyes u din read wrongly.. bags of stuffs) have ya seen a bag of Brinkstock shoes?

well conclusion,, trip was fun despite i was sick and now i am still sick.. cough (when will it end!!)

Rainy

still feeling low

low morale to continue work.. as for the reason.. i dun realy bother to talk abt it.... glad to have Boey ard to accompany me.. i guess i did make him worried when i dun reply and miss his call. thanks Boey.. sorry to disrupt your study plan... as for wat u said i will keep them in mind BUT (i dun u hate mi saying but) i may not use them.. maybe that the reason why same things always happened to mi. ha ha.. wat a naive me..
going to HDB Hub later.. still have 10 soapy to write arghz.. my eyes are so painful now.. have can i stare at the comp :(

lazy mi

lazy mi started to reblog again after a long long time... it muz be decades then..well i juz too lazy to blog... n there are juz too many things happened to me for the past few months that i juz wish to settle them myself and buried them..

here i am staying in my comfort zone waiting to start work soon during a beautiful tuesday morning where i can simply hear the bird chirping. how i wish i can laze ard at home and rot stone and sleep... seriously i really short of sleep.. but so?? i have dozen of soap notes to write which i accumulated frm last week n yesterdat.. MIND YOU.. if ya r thinking that i deserved it coz i din do my work last week... no lor... i was too tired.. poor me always sleep in front of the computers le... i juz cant wait for Dec to come...

yes crossing my fingers hard to dec to come.. wanting to see 5566... my concert but i din buy the most expensive tix.. not that i have no $$ but with special n intelligent reason.. ah ha.. i guess yingbuff is looking forward to dec too but not 5566... it's MAYDAY!! right? ha..

gg back to work le.. waiting for 16 nov to come.. to verify things.. will let ya noe if i'm ready..

love story..

juz finishing watching the movie that channel U had shown. though it is pretty slow in tempo.. but i really love it.. (well i juz love romance show esp those involve ghost factors in). i guess is the love btw the leads attract mi the most.. simple but yet touching.. (hmm.. does it mena tt this is wat i'm looking for?)..



"cherish the time with ur lover before u lose it and regret...."

wait long long

juz came back frm the diagolue session with the minister of health. kinda quite bored as it was suppose to start at 11.30am but the super veri in-puntuality guest was late... and i was told to be there at 1045am.. in the end waited for 1hr 15min.. was a waste of time.. juz for an hr i was actually finish watching 1 video clip in my comp. this mean that i can clear another 256MB off my comp.. waste my time and enrgy and my comp space.. arghz.. but i managed to ask him a qns regarding the possiblity of having a degree course for OT in Singapore with my super kou Chi speech again. luckily he noe wat is OT and currently Spore is only offering a dip course.. in fact i found his reply rather [Fu Yan] coz he mentioned that ultimately we will be having but they r doing it slowly by having the nurising deg 1st at NUS and the new medical sch at SGH.. i noe we have to wait.. but i dun think there is concrete plan yet...sadzz...i'm dying to see the increase in the no of OT in the hospital setting so that there will be more time for the pt and provide them with a beta care (pls wait patiently!!)...

after the session, me and Ira went for the healthy buffet taht was provided.. yah indeed veri healthy.. all the cold food (plus they do not taste gd as well)..the lunch was horrible.. seeing all the ugly s'porean behaviour.. yuckz.. well i shall not mention abt them i guess everyone will roughly noe wat i'm trying to say.. well i'm gg off for my dinner liao.. or else my mum will be killing mi soon.........

:)

confused...

i really find that it's hard to please everyone.. i want to have a nice environment where everyone is happy but how can i do.. something i juz wanna put my pt across in a straight forward manner.. i nv like to beat ard the bushes.. sigh.. having a hard time trying to repharse nicely.. haiz.. i'm not that eloquent tt i thought.. sighz.. y can't one be straightforwardz instead of putting a false front and be nice to someone tt one dislike.. sometime i mind to have conflict but itmust be constructive!! help help.. why muz i please someone when i can;t even please myself...off to sch now.. back to the joyful, mischievous galz. all prepare to go to celebrate buff's bdae...

Is it time to let go??

finally i enjoyed my first early day since back to sch from attachments.. in fact the aim in staying at home instead of gg out is to clear the 100 over video clips that are in my computer and they are causing my com to lag.. however i din manage to watch anything since i'm back home at 1 plus. first i was searching for the OTTP 1B case study for the pre-yr 2 as they needed them for their triple jump. nxt i was helping them so filter out some references and type them out for them as some need them urgently for research. then clearing the mess that i have created juz now.. finally when i have the time to watch the video clips.. goosh i juz can't focus not even on my 56 shows.. my mind was juz wandering ard..

In fact wat Michelle had said last night had a great impact on me. ever since then i have been pondering abt it and there were a lot of flashbacks at the same time... actually wat she said is true. I shldn't be keeping still and just want for a change. I need to move on. i know that i am not in the era which the girls have no choice in their relationship matters. I know i need to be ASSERTIVE and fight for myself.. but thinking in another way, wat do I have for me to fight? I dun possess the qualities that he is looking for at all. being one of his close girl friends in his early sec life, i certainly know that he likes girls who are gentle, pretty, sweet, not as competence as him and slim.. looking at these, i dun even have a stand. may be you may be thinking "that's his secondary sch mindset". i admitted that i used to think that i have a chance as his some of his friends and his ex-classmates after my secondary school days kept on giving false hopes by telling mi that he liked mi but bcoz of his buddies who don't really like mi, he didn't dare to put his friendship at risk. in fact he did give me false hope too-- for no reason he came to my place and gave me 2 cds... but now i can really tell u i really stand no chance. my hopes are shattered after a rare casual sms conversation 2yr ago.. shld i juz admit that i am a failure in life?? yes i do.

as aud has said, everyone has changed, esp when both of us haven really been meeting since sec 4 and i might not like the way he is now.. why shld i keep entangling myself with it. i know it's time to let go... i need to move on but i did try to come out of it.. i always that i have managed to let it go whenever i had a crush on someone or when i had a boyfriend.. but due to my occasion accidental meeting him on the street, i realised that they were just substitutes.. they just happened to have some similiarities with him. and dunnoe when he has been a yardstick in my heart. i know that it's bad to say that but i can't deceive myself. at the end of the day, he occupies a greatest portion of my heart.

i am satisfied just to have his news from our common friends, i just want to know whether he is doing fine or not.. i dun wish "reappear" in his life and cause a major havoc out of it. as for myself, i understand that i'm not ready to accept any relationships until i really know that i have let go of it. i dun think i will be that daring as compared to my younger days.. i really have no courage now.. all i can do is to hope that happiness will always be with him.

First song

Gathering

juz came back from OT gathering at marche.. it was so fun..but i haven had a chance to ask thida regarding my BURNING qns in my mind (gals, can help mi ask during chalet??). i nv noe tt the lecturers are so gossipy. always trying to spectacular who with who. are we that interesting? or rather should i said are we so entertaining?? juz wondering what will be their reactions if we ever caught them gossiping about us.. surprise? or blank look? well it's up to our imaginations.. well today's gathering really made us have an in-depth understanding about Michelle and ALSO the unknown side of our OT lecturers. I nv thought that HB will have such an active social life, and enjoyed disco night when he was young (from his looks now, he really can package himself man!) as far as i think, he might not be a good dancer now but indeed a good RETRO dancer (coz it's SAturaday night FEVer).. i kinda expected CM to be veri interested in our private life esp the appearance of thida' bf, BUT not HB... i noe tt when guys get veri gossipy, they are worse than gals (based on the chinsese high boys). but i nv in my life will relate HB to gossipy.. NEVER. i swear...i think i will definitely faint one day seeing him gossiping with others.. Oh mine!!!


Yeah it's us!! The OT!!


Marche!!

getting no where..i'm sick..

i'm feeling so miserable now... accidentally drank an ice-blended coffee to keep mi awake but end up.. i was kept awake due to the side-effects on me.. feeling darn nausea plus gastric a bit funny. i juz can't sleep bcoz of these... can someone help mi... no one in the family noe how i feel now... darn terrible plus miserable. somemore my sister even vented her anger on me after having a fight with her bf at my place at THIS HOUR ( looks wat time is it now..) wanted to show some concern to her but end up.. sighz.. lesson to be learnt: nv ever thry to put urself in a darn shitty position...

The hottest number in Town!!!

haha.. finally i got my fren who juz came back from taiwan to buy for mi 2 5566 comic books and the newest cum latest J-stars mag.. ha.. in fact if not bcoz of her.. i won't even wan to think of buying them.. bloody expensive. the each comic bk cost NT 250 n the mag costs NT 120. if i am gg to buy them in S'pore, the costs for each items will increase at least by S$8. too expensive.. i simply can't afford it.. tis month i really buy too much n donate too much $$. i can't imagine i'm hitting the 700 which more than half of wat i spend per month in the past.. i guess feb i really really need to save like siao to compensate back everything.. hopefully tt the hongbao will help too...!!!