love story..

juz finishing watching the movie that channel U had shown. though it is pretty slow in tempo.. but i really love it.. (well i juz love romance show esp those involve ghost factors in). i guess is the love btw the leads attract mi the most.. simple but yet touching.. (hmm.. does it mena tt this is wat i'm looking for?)..



"cherish the time with ur lover before u lose it and regret...."

wait long long

juz came back frm the diagolue session with the minister of health. kinda quite bored as it was suppose to start at 11.30am but the super veri in-puntuality guest was late... and i was told to be there at 1045am.. in the end waited for 1hr 15min.. was a waste of time.. juz for an hr i was actually finish watching 1 video clip in my comp. this mean that i can clear another 256MB off my comp.. waste my time and enrgy and my comp space.. arghz.. but i managed to ask him a qns regarding the possiblity of having a degree course for OT in Singapore with my super kou Chi speech again. luckily he noe wat is OT and currently Spore is only offering a dip course.. in fact i found his reply rather [Fu Yan] coz he mentioned that ultimately we will be having but they r doing it slowly by having the nurising deg 1st at NUS and the new medical sch at SGH.. i noe we have to wait.. but i dun think there is concrete plan yet...sadzz...i'm dying to see the increase in the no of OT in the hospital setting so that there will be more time for the pt and provide them with a beta care (pls wait patiently!!)...

after the session, me and Ira went for the healthy buffet taht was provided.. yah indeed veri healthy.. all the cold food (plus they do not taste gd as well)..the lunch was horrible.. seeing all the ugly s'porean behaviour.. yuckz.. well i shall not mention abt them i guess everyone will roughly noe wat i'm trying to say.. well i'm gg off for my dinner liao.. or else my mum will be killing mi soon.........

:)

confused...

i really find that it's hard to please everyone.. i want to have a nice environment where everyone is happy but how can i do.. something i juz wanna put my pt across in a straight forward manner.. i nv like to beat ard the bushes.. sigh.. having a hard time trying to repharse nicely.. haiz.. i'm not that eloquent tt i thought.. sighz.. y can't one be straightforwardz instead of putting a false front and be nice to someone tt one dislike.. sometime i mind to have conflict but itmust be constructive!! help help.. why muz i please someone when i can;t even please myself...off to sch now.. back to the joyful, mischievous galz. all prepare to go to celebrate buff's bdae...

Is it time to let go??

finally i enjoyed my first early day since back to sch from attachments.. in fact the aim in staying at home instead of gg out is to clear the 100 over video clips that are in my computer and they are causing my com to lag.. however i din manage to watch anything since i'm back home at 1 plus. first i was searching for the OTTP 1B case study for the pre-yr 2 as they needed them for their triple jump. nxt i was helping them so filter out some references and type them out for them as some need them urgently for research. then clearing the mess that i have created juz now.. finally when i have the time to watch the video clips.. goosh i juz can't focus not even on my 56 shows.. my mind was juz wandering ard..

In fact wat Michelle had said last night had a great impact on me. ever since then i have been pondering abt it and there were a lot of flashbacks at the same time... actually wat she said is true. I shldn't be keeping still and just want for a change. I need to move on. i know that i am not in the era which the girls have no choice in their relationship matters. I know i need to be ASSERTIVE and fight for myself.. but thinking in another way, wat do I have for me to fight? I dun possess the qualities that he is looking for at all. being one of his close girl friends in his early sec life, i certainly know that he likes girls who are gentle, pretty, sweet, not as competence as him and slim.. looking at these, i dun even have a stand. may be you may be thinking "that's his secondary sch mindset". i admitted that i used to think that i have a chance as his some of his friends and his ex-classmates after my secondary school days kept on giving false hopes by telling mi that he liked mi but bcoz of his buddies who don't really like mi, he didn't dare to put his friendship at risk. in fact he did give me false hope too-- for no reason he came to my place and gave me 2 cds... but now i can really tell u i really stand no chance. my hopes are shattered after a rare casual sms conversation 2yr ago.. shld i juz admit that i am a failure in life?? yes i do.

as aud has said, everyone has changed, esp when both of us haven really been meeting since sec 4 and i might not like the way he is now.. why shld i keep entangling myself with it. i know it's time to let go... i need to move on but i did try to come out of it.. i always that i have managed to let it go whenever i had a crush on someone or when i had a boyfriend.. but due to my occasion accidental meeting him on the street, i realised that they were just substitutes.. they just happened to have some similiarities with him. and dunnoe when he has been a yardstick in my heart. i know that it's bad to say that but i can't deceive myself. at the end of the day, he occupies a greatest portion of my heart.

i am satisfied just to have his news from our common friends, i just want to know whether he is doing fine or not.. i dun wish "reappear" in his life and cause a major havoc out of it. as for myself, i understand that i'm not ready to accept any relationships until i really know that i have let go of it. i dun think i will be that daring as compared to my younger days.. i really have no courage now.. all i can do is to hope that happiness will always be with him.

First song

Gathering

juz came back from OT gathering at marche.. it was so fun..but i haven had a chance to ask thida regarding my BURNING qns in my mind (gals, can help mi ask during chalet??). i nv noe tt the lecturers are so gossipy. always trying to spectacular who with who. are we that interesting? or rather should i said are we so entertaining?? juz wondering what will be their reactions if we ever caught them gossiping about us.. surprise? or blank look? well it's up to our imaginations.. well today's gathering really made us have an in-depth understanding about Michelle and ALSO the unknown side of our OT lecturers. I nv thought that HB will have such an active social life, and enjoyed disco night when he was young (from his looks now, he really can package himself man!) as far as i think, he might not be a good dancer now but indeed a good RETRO dancer (coz it's SAturaday night FEVer).. i kinda expected CM to be veri interested in our private life esp the appearance of thida' bf, BUT not HB... i noe tt when guys get veri gossipy, they are worse than gals (based on the chinsese high boys). but i nv in my life will relate HB to gossipy.. NEVER. i swear...i think i will definitely faint one day seeing him gossiping with others.. Oh mine!!!


Yeah it's us!! The OT!!


Marche!!

getting no where..i'm sick..

i'm feeling so miserable now... accidentally drank an ice-blended coffee to keep mi awake but end up.. i was kept awake due to the side-effects on me.. feeling darn nausea plus gastric a bit funny. i juz can't sleep bcoz of these... can someone help mi... no one in the family noe how i feel now... darn terrible plus miserable. somemore my sister even vented her anger on me after having a fight with her bf at my place at THIS HOUR ( looks wat time is it now..) wanted to show some concern to her but end up.. sighz.. lesson to be learnt: nv ever thry to put urself in a darn shitty position...

The hottest number in Town!!!

haha.. finally i got my fren who juz came back from taiwan to buy for mi 2 5566 comic books and the newest cum latest J-stars mag.. ha.. in fact if not bcoz of her.. i won't even wan to think of buying them.. bloody expensive. the each comic bk cost NT 250 n the mag costs NT 120. if i am gg to buy them in S'pore, the costs for each items will increase at least by S$8. too expensive.. i simply can't afford it.. tis month i really buy too much n donate too much $$. i can't imagine i'm hitting the 700 which more than half of wat i spend per month in the past.. i guess feb i really really need to save like siao to compensate back everything.. hopefully tt the hongbao will help too...!!!

dreams= reality

oh by the way.. did i tell anybody abt the dreams i had since early last yr... sometimes i really hate to dream esp when most of my dreams will always come true... tis time ard the serial of dreams i had really frightened mi to a certain extent... it seesm to be a monthly drama serial to mi.. almost every mth there will be a continum of the dream..

i always dreamt that i need to travel to a very deserted island by boat which not many ppl noe..no one noe its name but everyone recognise the island by a poisonous plant. it seems that it's a must for mi to travel to the island as someone that i love stayed there.. i always can't remember his face when i woke up.. i can only remember vaguely that i could not stay in the island with him but i forgotten the reason.. the nxt thing i can remember was that everytime my departure was heartaching..i was forced to leave him.. n everytime i woke up, i can really feel my heart aching n the tears...

does this dream had a meaning?? i have been dreaming this for months... n this time ard.. i felt the urge to go to the island to see him while i was on my way to somewhere, but no matter how hard i try.. i couldn't get to the shore where i usually board the boat n i was so desvastated...

complain..

lazy blogger blogging again... today i was so tired.. almost all the lectures i was about to dozed off esp LHB's lecture. sometimes i really dunnoe whether it's him or i juz to lazy to listen to him, since last yr i was dozing off in his lessons w/o fail. everytime i dozed off, this was where my fantastic acting skills were useful as i will always try to give an intelligent look as if i was thinking with my eyes closed. hopefully nxt sun i will have early nite so that i will not doze off.. bever pls forgive mi!!

for those who dunnoe, i went to the California fitness on sat.. kaoz the fitness consultant was trying veri hard to persuade mi n my fren to join, in fact i was pretty tempted abt the classes they offeredn the facilities but thinking abt the $$ where on earth can i get this amount of $$.. $398(enrollment fees) + $98 (processing fees) + $58 x 12 (monthly maintenance)..from which they are willing to waive off the enrollment fees and give us a student rate of $58 per mth.. but $98 +$58x 12 is still a very big amount to mi.. i might as well set a time for mi to exercise n fine myself if i din follow the schedule.. tis mth i so broke!!! (after buying a yr supply of contact lens plus i spoilt the memory card w/o knowing.. blooding)... sadz..... well enough of the bitching.. tis coming sat i'm gg down again for body combat plus pilates classes... looking forward..

Finally settled down

lazy me haven't been updating my blog for more than 2 months... well though there were a lots of things happening around / to me, sometimes it's really hard for me to jot down my feelings and experiences in words...
for those who haven been seeing mi for long time, here are some of the things I did for the past 3mths:

• had my exams which i thought i did a satisfactory job but the reality did really upset mi to a large extent...
• finally had a large group KTV session after my exams with the OTs.. n it was so fun.. (ha.. OTs care to go for another session end of this semester?? interested party pls call XXXX)
• had my 1st long attachment @ pelangi village(oh mine... my dec holidays...).. nice placement.. nice residents.. miss the uncle who always drew $$ to us.. overall nice experience but of course need to censor away the stupid resident who scolded mi n spoilt my last day of attachment..
• and of course i went for the Jungiery Mega Star concert and the calender autograph session.. aaaaaaaaa.. my 5566..anyway their latest soundtrack will be out on their 3rd brithday 21 Jan.. can't wait for it.. hopefully they will not disappoint mi..

Now back in sch.. have finally settled down.. hopefully everything will go well as planned.. a busy semester indeed but dun worry i do have faith in myself.. not a weakling who will cry so easily esp in front of you (you noe who..) a brand new me is really for all the challenges ahead..

A life of an occupational therapy student

Had a pretty 'interesting' lecture talking about issues regarding the mid semester evaluation today..[erm.. i think it was more like a confidence boosting session run by the lecturer] ha ha... kinda expected tt he wasn't surprised by the negative thoughts tt r downcasting us but i was rather SURPRISED that he thinks highly on us... 'hardworking batch ever seen, juz dun worry, most of u will definitely pass the exams'...i really wonder.. are all these really come frm the bottom of his heart or juz he is making use of his psychology knowledge to bring our anxiety level down... sighz personally i dun think im hardworking esp when my entire mind is giving 5566 all my attention.. well u can't blame mi for this when it's a form of escape frm reality for mi...

sometimes i really admire the art of boasting this lecturer had, always tries to show off his abilities and also not forgetting to compliment himself indirectly while put in effort to bring up out confidence... but indeed i think he was quite a gd therapist, am i rite pals?? quite clear-minded... can i be like him? well i think it's really need some experience..

i remember he mentioned about the main ingredients that made up a gd therapist today are resilence, confidence and positive thoughts. and indeed i need to admit tt the course, which was originally meant to be 3 1/2yrs but being squeezed into a 3yr course, is really pushing us to a limit that i almost gg to breakdown, juz to make us be more resilent. but also making us to cut down our social life.. sometimes i really feel tt cutting social life issues due to heavy sch work are contradicting some of the OT outcomes for our clients: care for others, possess gd socialization skills, community mobility, isn't it? mugging and mugging all day really limit the above tt i have mentioned to my dearest future OT collegues, and i really find tt i am sorting of drifting away frm my social circle and my JC frenz.... but wat can i do? sighz (-ve thought)..
hopefully by the end of the entire course, i will really manage to obtain the best ingredients of it.... the journey is still long.....

What women said

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that
she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the

"Loud Sigh."Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

security

at any pt in my life, i do spend some quiet moment in the middle of the night doing some self-reflection.. n i realise tt security is something i seriously need in my life... often i do feel tt im all alone at a tip of the tower falling n no one is there for mi to fall back...

often i felt tt my presence is kinda redundant as i do appear quite invisible to the rest..my presence is not always being felt and im tired to be so irritating trying to get attention frm others... y can't i be myself...all i need is to have someone in my life to acknowledge my presence.. is this too demanding.. i guess it is demanding..

recently i keep on having this mindset of getting away.. runaway..i guess even i disappear suddenly out of their lives, no one will realise it or bother to find mi as my presence is not significant to them...

???

it has been almost a mth tt i blogged...every1 thinks tt im too busy to blog but it's not true... i was online everyday but i juz refuse to blog. reason veri simple: coz i dunnoe wat to write especially when i had created a mess out of my life tt i dunnoe how i can settle in... this havoc doesn't allow me to really settle down n concentrate in my studies, all i can do it to avoid avoid avoid...i noe i'm in my denial mode...n i noe tt it's not a solution for my problems but currently im not ready to face them and it's the best solution tt i can think of..

sometime i really hope tt i can transform myself into a bimbo who doesnt need to use much of the brain cells and can jus let the neurons died.. i do feel tt bimbo r quite carefree coz they dun think much n worry tt much as their mindset r veri simple n straightforward...i getting quite tired of myself... i hate myself being so jing ming.. being jing ming has become a burden in my life.. isolating my life..but wat can i do....

Nervous....

less than 5hrs i'll be having audition liao.kinda feeling nervous now. well i juz can't help it even though i have some experience in joining some small scaled singing competition before but that was in sch. and somemore this time ard the criteria will be stricter and there will be hundreds over participants... (to me quite big scaled leh..) Goosh.. juz by thinking of this, my heart pumps even harder now.

frankly speaking, even though i seems to be quite ai xian, i do suffer from stage fright.. and it kinda worsen by years. i still remember the first time i went on stage for my 1st singing competition final in school. i sang " Xin bu Liao qing" tt time. the 1st half of the song was a disaster coz my voice was trembling and some of the keys i couldn't reach. luckily seeing my classmates at the audience seats cheering for me.. at least i regained some confidence and the rest of the song i did it well and gd.

based on my memory the worst stage firght i experienced was during my drama nite performance during J2. that was really terrible.. i remembered 2 hrs before the performance i had a very terrible breakdown. i was crying crying nonstop alone at one wuloo corner in the school... nxt during the "kai sheng" session with my teacher-in-charge, i juz felt fatigue and had a veir bad diarrhea. and i oso suffer frm dyspnea and keeping on puking.. all these stopped mi frm having a gd performance tt nite.. din meet the normal "level" i had always..

well wat will happen today? i oso dunnoe.. kinda quite scary to go alone... hoping that there will be someone accompanying me and give me some support but based on my character and upbringing i dun really wanna trouble ppl and i dun wish to be seen as mafan. can i be strong? i dunnoe.. i wanna be strong! but can i? why am i always putting a brave front in front of ppl?

An Answer "To Ten If and One But"

What is Marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's
Direct Marketing


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's
Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's
Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's
Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
That's
Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's
Customer Feedback

Blessing

Have you ever wonder what exactly is blessing? What does blessing really comprised of? Definitely the meaning of blessing varies from person to person. For instance, to someone who is very poor but filled with loves from others may envy a rich man who is very lonely, and even considered that as a blessing, whereas the rich one will think in another way. Someone without a hand will always consider those who only have a hand as a blessing because they have the opportunity to touch and feel with their hands, and even use them in writing. However those who have one hand only will always view themselves as unfortunate because they are always comparing themselves with the fortunate ones with both hands without thinking of those who do not have upper limbs. For those with both hands will view having fine and soft fingers as a blessing. Innate greediness in Man causes us to be unappreciated and not contented towards what we own, thus resulting in one’s unhappiness. Will Man stop to be greedy? I doubt so. Not try to be pessimistic, but the impact of the materialistic world have indeed cause Man to forget about the beauty of contentment. Isn't it true? Man hardly will be contented about their achievements. They will also try by all means to get themselves to great heights but the question is: Where is the highest point in one's life? No one know. In another words, they will never realize whether they have hit the peak or not.

When was the last time you feel contented or appreciate for what others had done for you? Have you show your appreciation to that person? It's a blessing to have someone in your life who is willing to lend a helping hand to you regardless whether they are only by-passers to you. Pls don't take them for grant. By saying a small little 'thank you' with SINCERITY can really brighten up one's day and allowing one to know that his help is being appreciated.

Journey

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you to you

 

Music/ Lyrics: Corrinne May